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Post by N HARMONIA on Jul 9, 2011 1:35:12 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1d790; width: 400px; padding: 10px, bTable][atrb=style, font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: 1px; color: #968965; text-align: justify; line-height: 11px; background: url(http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/3327/tabspattern.png); padding: 8px; border: 2px dashed #b6a679; ] ✎dear diary, LISTEN TO MY STORY Well, here we are. Back in my castle after questionable events went down inside of it. And outside of it too, come to think of it. I've always kept a diary...but it was always more of a "Pokemon sighting" notebook. Where I just wrote down what pokemon I saw that day. I suppose this is the first time that I actually plan to emotionally attach myself to a piece of paper. Or, many of them.
My name is N. Just the letter N. My father was Ghetsis and has recently passed on or disappeared or something like that. He was always quite nice. We were very detached. He always had me spending time with pokemon, even as a young boy. And eventually I became able to understand their language. To understand them. And so, now, as I write this, I'm reading it out loud to Theodore, my Purrloin, who is curled up in a pillow next to me.
I can't really explain how I got my castle back. I also can't explain how it can appear anywhere. I also know that I can't access it myself all the time. I'm only present in my home today to pick up a few things before I continue to explore the world. After the whole incident of Black and White and my father, I went off to explore the rest of Unova. I got to know every part of it and every pokemon that I could. However, I still have a mission to do. But that's another story for another time.
Theodore asked me to elaborate about White in my diary because it's an important part of my life. I agree to some extent, but sometimes I feel like my affection for White is...unwanted. We have talked before, I have teased her, I had done things to show my affection. But never have we sat down and talked about our relationship. I'm afraid that, if we do, I'll hear something that I don't want to hear. Mainly what she ended up saying to Black when he forced himself upon her.
Which I still am having a little trouble with. We had coffee today by sheer coincidence and, when he brought it up, he explained that he wanted her to know how he felt. Was injuring her necessary for him to express that? If so, I don't trust him even more. I am already wary of him now that this has happened and I've found that I can no longer allow him copious amounts of time alone with her. What if he injures her again? I won't have it. She is taking care of Nicholai at the moment and I am glad that she is.
Although I love that Whimsicott, he can be a handful. But he's nothing but gentle and loving and I know that he'll look after her while I can't. Even if he does smother her in kisses. I wish....If only....Ah, nevermind. I think Theodore is ready to go, he's stealing some of Ghetsis' old things and putting them on my lap. Until we meet again!
SINCERELY, ✗✗ N |
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Post by N HARMONIA on Jul 10, 2011 17:59:39 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1d790; width: 400px; padding: 10px, bTable][atrb=style, font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: 1px; color: #968965; text-align: justify; line-height: 11px; background: url(http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/3327/tabspattern.png); padding: 8px; border: 2px dashed #b6a679; ] ✎dear diary, LISTEN TO MY STORY I miss White. I really do. I could list all the reasons that I miss her but I don't think that I need to. I just miss her terribly. We haven't talked since the debacle that occurred when I found out about Black. But, then again, she said she was going to Kanto with Green and Yellow, to help them.
I understand that she has other friends and I understand that she wants to spend time with them. Is it selfish of me to ask to spend time with her? Is it selfish to ask that she give me the time of day? To sit down with me and have tea with me and come visit me? I suppose so. I should probably leave her alone. I'm not going to force myself upon her, like that rude Black. I'll offer my presence to her and, should she accept, I'll be very slow. Just someone for her to talk to and be around, while I still harbor my affection.
In a matter completely separate from that (sometimes I can't handle thinking about her, she makes me...feel so much), I took Princess Sadie on a walk today. Maybe I should explain my relationship with my pokemon.
I don't believe in pokeballs. I used to not believe in the idea of a trainer "training" their pokemon. I still partially disagree with that because of the misuse that trainers often conduct with their pokemon. Let me clarify something: Pokemon are not tools to e used. If a pokemon would like to fight, fine. But forcing him to because you want to be a "master" or anything of the sort doesn't make anything better. It makes you a terrible person and a terrible trainer.
My pokemon stay at home unless I'm traveling with them. They are very rarely in pokeballs, only when it's for their own safety, such as Rosemary. She's a very sweet Jellicent when she's not around people who she wants to swallow whole. Rosemary feeds off of souls and so, for the sake of everyone around her, I keep her at home most of the time, in her own room where she can slosh around in a giant tub and generally enjoy her life while not causing problems for others.
But I was talking about Princess Sadie, wasn't I? Right. She's a neglected Garbador who has always had trouble with abuse and general malnourishment because of how terrible people see her: as a pile of trash you don't get much respect. But we went for a walk today and not one person stopped us or made a negative comment. In fact, one woman told me how healthy my Garbador looked and to keep up the good work. Princess Sadie was so moved that we had to stop on the beach and take a rest so that she could cry her happiness out.
Sadie is making great progress. As long as people keep their ignorance to themselves, no one else has to suffer because of it. Sadie is quickly becoming healthier and healthier now that I have her on a diet of fruits and vegetables. She gets to eat trash every once and a while, but only because it's healthy trash and because, as a "Trash Heap" pokemon, she needs it to survive. I'm looking out for her every day and she's going to be a star any day now. Just wait and see.
SINCERELY, ✗✗ N |
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Post by N HARMONIA on Jul 13, 2011 22:37:34 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1d790; width: 400px; padding: 10px, bTable][atrb=style, font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: 1px; color: #968965; text-align: justify; line-height: 11px; background: url(http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/3327/tabspattern.png); padding: 8px; border: 2px dashed #b6a679; ] ✎dear diary, LISTEN TO MY STORY She's back, she's back, she's back! Ah, journal, I can't tell you how much I've missed her. Not only that, but I was able to hold her! I tell you journal, I feel on top of the world!
Well, not really.
I mean, the only reason she was wandering through the woods was because she...well...she had a fight with Black and then she kissed Cheren. And she..she likes him. I can't..I don't know if I can handle that. I was perfectly fine when I was with her, because she needed me to. She needed me to be her rock and needed me to be the one to let her cry and just listen to her and only give advice if she asked for it. I had to stay unbiased. Because I want to be White's friend...but I want to be her, ah, I don't know the word for it. I, eugh, I'm blushing. I want to be her only one, journal. I want her to turn to me when she's upset, happy, mad, everything. I want to kiss her tears away and I just - Ugh.
I don't know. I want to be with her. And I know how to. But she just keeps looking over me. How do I get her to see me for who I am? I need help.
SINCERELY, ✗✗ N |
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Post by N HARMONIA on Jul 24, 2011 16:43:09 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1d790; width: 400px; padding: 10px, bTable][atrb=style, font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: 1px; color: #968965; text-align: justify; line-height: 11px; background: url(http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/3327/tabspattern.png); padding: 8px; border: 2px dashed #b6a679; ] ✎dear diary, LISTEN TO MY STORY
Well, my life has done a complete turnaround, journal. I..I'm not sure how it happened and I'm not sure why it happened.
Actually, that's not true.
I know that, essentially, White and I can't be together. At least, not right now. It's hard to explain it when we're not sitting down talking it out. But I'll try.
I've always been restrained. Always had control (in a sense) and I've always known exactly what it is that I need to do in a situation. But, when I went on my journey to discover myself and to generally find my personality, I came back with a newfound purpose, but the same general personality. Quiet, reserved, polite, et cetera. But something snapped the other day. When White and I were rolling along the beach, doing things that I should not and cannot repeat here (no, they weren't THAT bad), I began to realize that I can't just take a backseat to what I want.
If there's something that I want or somewhere I want to be or someone I want to be with, then I have to go for it. I'm getting tired of sitting around and saying yes to everything. I don't...I don't have any friends. I have White, yes, but I don't have any friends. We've agreed that we need to be friends first, without the constant insanity of Ghetsis and Team Plasma. Which is a story for another day.
I can be friends with White. I can. But today, a very nice young woman (I can't remember her name for the life of me) wanted to know...What I mean to say..
I was going on about how White is my queen and how I want to make her the woman next to me as I rule as a king (again, another story for another time). And this young woman asked me, well, if I wanted White to be my Queen, why didn't I ask for her hand in marriage?
Well, I just about fell over.
I've never considered marriage. I've always told myself that White will be my queen eventually and that we'll be wrapped in in each other for the rest of our lives. But I'd forgotten that marriage was the most typical way to do that.
Marriage.
Is that possible? Is it ... strange for me to be considering asking for her hand? Is it strange that I'm not frightened, just thinking of the logical things? A wedding with White wearing a gorgeous white gown? While her best girlfriends stand to the side, smiling widely with approval and my best...guy friends...?
Shit.
Journal, we've got work to do. I can't get married to White until I have friends who are...males. What about that Green? He was on my side when Black essentially attacked White. Black..? No. Can't trust him. Must find others. Must find them.
URGENTLY, ✗✗ N |
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Post by N HARMONIA on Aug 9, 2011 21:54:38 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1d790; width: 400px; padding: 10px, bTable][atrb=style, font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: 1px; color: #968965; text-align: justify; line-height: 11px; background: url(http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/3327/tabspattern.png); padding: 8px; border: 2px dashed #b6a679; ] ✎dear diary, LISTEN TO MY STORY
You know what I've never thought of? Singing. Singing would be a good idea, right? To start getting some singing lessons so that I can serenade her? Today, I went to Nimbasa (without White) to explore the city on my own and see if there was something that I could push myself into.
Sometimes I feel empty. I know what my life goal is, I established that on my journey, but I don't have any hobbies. Don't you find that odd? I find it odd. I need to find something to do. Something that I can get into so that I'm not thinking about her all the time.
Not that I mind.
It's just...I want to be a complete person. I want White in my life more than anything. But I want her to be there because we share each other. Because we're both whole and, when we get together, that it's special and magical. We can't be in that kind of relationship until I become whole. Otherwise, when she's gone for a while, how am I supposed to function around other people when she's not there?
As you may have noticed, I've been reading some Psychology books lately. And I've come to the conclusion that I need hobbies. I need interests. Things that make me smile besides White and Pokemon. I NEED to be whole. We can't be together until that happens. I need to be able to hold a conversation with someone and not run out of things to say. I need to be able to stand being in a group of people without wanting to curl up with a book and let everyone step on me.
....That was a little dark, I apologize.
Anyway, journal, that's the goal for this week. New interests? Hobbies? I'm slowly compiling a list and I will work my way down it. I'm going to find something. Just you watch me.
DEVOTEDLY, ✗✗ N |
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Post by N HARMONIA on Mar 17, 2012 4:45:07 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1d790; width: 400px; padding: 10px, bTable][atrb=style, font-family: Tahoma; letter-spacing: 1px; color: #968965; text-align: justify; line-height: 11px; background: url(http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/3327/tabspattern.png); padding: 8px; border: 2px dashed #b6a679; ] ✎dear diary, LISTEN TO MY STORY
I have a girlfriend who is not Touko.
Please, tell me how I got this far. Please tell me how and why I'm dating a sweet, adorable, amazing girl but her name is not Touko. Please, I just need guidance.
Alright, deep breath.
Hope. Hope Bell. I've been dating her for a few months now and I've even invited her to stay in my home, since her older sister is out of town. I love having her here. She's wonderful. Sweet, very modest, very kind, but also very soft-spoken. I feel as though I'm bothering her every time that I talk to her and that she's some sort of frightened Deerling I could scare away if I so much as look at her for too long.
I care for her, deeply, but she's not Touko.
What am I supposed to do? Continue with this facade? Break Hope's fragile heart?
I already know that I am in love with Touko. I firmly believe this. And no matter how much I try to deny his existence, she's firmly in love with Red, the Champion of Kanto. As much as I try to tell myself that this is not a stage in which we fight for Touko's heart, I cannot help but think that he does not deserve her. He has not known her for as long as I have! I - she said she was going to write a musical about me!
Well, and then she proceeded to write a musical about him.
...
...
I absolutely cannot stand him.
He's much too perky for any real person to be that way, his energy is sickening and I want to wipe the smile from his face by slapping it. Hard.
I shouldn't have said that. But I don't regret it.
I will win her back.
SPITEFULLY, ✗✗ N |
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